Artemis Fowl: The Groundhog Technique
by MOQ
Summary: Opal Deception? Rubbish! This is what really happened. The subchaptering now works, so it should be easier to read now. Also, Chapter 2 is most definatly up!
1. Day 1

Artemis Fowl 

**The Groundhog Technique _Day 1_**

This occurred before I first made contact with you. As such, I have no memories of the People to begin with. Note "to begin with".

"I suppose you're all wondering why I called you here today."

Commander Root was almost correct. Foaly knew exactly why they were here – to see his new invention. He trotted to a display board.

"Everyone, silence! I have something big to show you."

Foaly pulled out a pointer, and proceeded to indicate the significance of a large diagram of a dish. An outbreak of snorting took place, which was eventually located to Short and Kelp. During the disruption, Foaly ate his pointer, and proceeded to use one that was more conventional.

"As I was attempting to say, this is a classic timestop tower, which you should all be familiar with. I have developed a method in which the timeframe within a timestop can be replayed, as it were, until a favourable outcome is reached. We will not be able to enter the timestop once it has begun, however we can affect it by allowing one person to retain their memories from one iteration of the cycle to the next."

"Why would I order this rather than a traditional timestop?" asked Root.

"This would be most appropriate if danger is imminent, and it is unlikely that LEPretrieval would be able to reach the situation in time. For this reason, a network of specific dishes will be necessary, which I do not currently have funding for."

"Yes, yes. I'll raise your funding. We'll need a demonstration, of course, before I can promise anything…"

"I'll demonstrate! I will. Soon. My groundhog devices are nearly ready for demonstration."

"Your what?"

"Groundhog devices. Captain Kelp suggested the name. Don't know why, but it seems to fit."

"Ah yes, Kelp. What was it you had intercepted?"

Trouble hesitated, but finally spoke. "It was a class C illegal mud man image projector and several rolls of film. I have checked the film, and nothing appears out of order. They appear to be American, non violent and filmed circa 1993. Intended as souvenirs."

Root then dismissed everyone, asking "Don't you have more important things to be doing?"

They obviously did, as they left quickly.

Later, Holly arrived at Foaly's technical centre. Foaly was now wearing a silver foil hat, embossed with a network of fine lines.

"Do you like it? I could order you one, if you like."

"No, I felt you'd be more interested in my proposition. I heard that you were using carrots in a technical role, and thought more might be necessary."

"Thanks". A strange sound like a circular saw was heard, then silence.

"I thought you'd already built the towers? You've been working on this for years, you must have got further than this?"

"Budget constraints." Foaly sealed the doors. "Well, the boys have been working on these towers for some time. The entire network is nearly completed. But I needed a bit of reimbursement for my investment."

"You've been putting your own money into this?"

"I have a suspicious feeling that they'll come into use sooner than we'd wish."

And on this ominous note, Holly left the room. It was getting to be a quite surreal day. And it was going to get worse.

I was, at this time, in Munich, as you already know. It was morning, and my alarm clock had just gone off to remind me that I had work to do. I was already awake, sat on my bed, ensuring that everything would go to plan. And it would. Nothing could go wrong.

Butler entered. "Is everything fine, sir?"

"Yes, yes. But I would like some breakfast. A small continental breakfast delivered to the room. Order it from room service please, I'm sure they would not like your culinary skills as competition. Ensure they have apricot jam."

Two minutes passed, exactly. The waiter arrived. He spoke to Butler. He was clearly terrified.

"I, I, I apologise sir. We are out of apricot jam. We do not keep much in storage, and today it has been unusually popular. I will personally ensure more, much more is bought today."

He turned and fled. Butler often has that effect on people.

"Do you require that I phone the bank?"

"Yes. Remind them that we are coming. We wish to be in there for as short a time as possible."

"D'Arvit! D'Arvit! D'Arvit! D'Arvit!"

Strangely, no fairy has ever told me the meaning of that word, though I have heard it often.

"Grub! Nothing is worth that sort of string of expletives!"

"But Trub…"

"I said nothing!"

"What about a matter of a breach of security that could threaten not only Haven, but all of the People?"

Suddenly, Corporal Kelp was worried. "Along what lines?"

"Opal Koboi's escape."

"D'Arvit! D'Arvit! D'Arvit! D'Arvit! D'Arvit! D'Arvit! D'Arvit!"

"Now you're doing it. You can't tell Mummy now."

"Shut up about that! Where is she, or where isn't she?"

"She was DNA profiled going to the surface in a shuttle, approaching Munich."

"Munich? What's in Munich? Why does she want to go there?"

Observant readers may have already realised. Well done.

"We gotta get help."

"You said it, Grub. We need someone on the surface."

"We gotta tell Root."

"Well, go on then." Trouble Kelp was beginning to get angry. Grub whined. Trouble left, to see Root.

"WHAT!"

Beetroot was certainly living up to his nickname. This was the purplest anyone had seen him in years, even a deeper shade than during the Goblin rebellion. During Opal's last escapade. He had been hoping that he wouldn't have to deal with her again. Poor guy.

"I'm sorry Beet… Commander Root. I'm just the bearer of bad news. It's not my fault she's gone!"

"Then whose is it?"

"Erm… Don't know. But it was just a routine DNA check at the terminal that caught her, and they let her get through before finding the results."

"Did she not need any identification to get on this craft? Why did nobody check it? Why does nobody ever do anything right round here?" Root was clearly annoyed. "We need someone on the surface. Quickly. Or else we could all be for it."

Root sent for Foaly, who arrived crunching.

"It's a bit _munch_ late _crunch_ to send anyone _nibble_ up."

"Will you please stop eating! This is a serious incident… What do you mean, too late?"

Foaly spat the remnants of the carrot into a usefully located dustbin, from which they would be taken to be composted.

"She's practically at Munich by now. I assume that's her target, as she's heading straight for it."

"So have you any better ideas? And hurry up with them, rather than just spending time telling us that we haven't got much."

"Actually, I have. A groundhog network is in place in small forts around Munich, and it should have enough juice for four iterations. That should be enough, but I always worry. Now, if my department were to get funding for more powerful battery technologies…"

"Yes, sure. Boot it up, as you techie types put it."

"There is one slight problem. For anything to change on the iterations, someone must retain their memories. We must select someone."

"And what's the problem?" Root was tired of this.

"Well, we have located someone perfect in the area. Quick-witted and intelligent, so he should be able to defeat her. The one problem is, it's Artemis Fowl. He does, however, have the advantage of having encountered her before, so the mindwiped memories could get recalled, an extra advantage. Also, he may be her target."

"Go ahead. Do it. He may be our only hope."

I was on my way to the bank when she revealed herself. We had just left the car in an inconspicuous location, and I was dressed inconspicuously. Or at least, Butler promised I was. Personally, I felt far too obvious, but after observing others of my age, my garb was appropriate. But I wasn't the only one who disliked it.

"Oh Arty. I hadn't realised you'd changed so much in a year. You would have never worn that before. You look so… innocent."

Who was this child who had accosted me? She had slightly pointed ears, and I was sure I recognised her somehow. But I just couldn't remember.

"You do not recognise me, Arty? I am Opal. Last year, you and your friends in the LEP thought you had defeated me. But I am back, and they don't appear to be around to help.

"Look, no one would have got there in time anyway."

"Lets just hope your new technique works."

"Who… Who are you? What do you want with me?"

"Were you not listening? I am Opal Koboi. I want revenge. And this is how I'll get it."

She dropped a parcel at my feet. She then flew off… Flew off? Yes, she had wings, metal wings attached to her back. A design I would later be able to identify as Hummingbirds. I picked up the parcel.

"Drop it, Artemis!"

I did. I am not used to receiving orders from Butler. He pulled me along the street.

"For a genius, you can sure be thick sometimes, Artemis. No insult intended, but I will be surprised to say the least if that isn't a bomb."

And if to prove him correct, the parcel exploded. But… It wasn't quite an explosion. It was just blue light rushing away from where there once was a brown-paper packet. And everyone it hit, died.

"Blue rinse! Run!" I cried, not knowing where the term _blue rinse_ had come from, but that it was strangely appropriate. So we did.

"Well, they escaped, at least."

"What would have happened if he'd died?"

"I'm not entirely sure, but I'd prefer not to find out."

When we realised that the bomb had stopped doing whatever dangerous thing it did, we turned round. People were lying dead in the street. Hundreds of people. The only people alive in that direction was some security guards from the bank. And they were coming straight for us.

"Right, you two are coming with us."

We agreed. If nothing was going to happen to us, we were not going to make a scene. We entered the bank.

"You do realise why you're here, don't you?"

"We saw a strange explosive device go off in front of this building?"

"Close. You set off the said strange explosive device."

To prove his point, he showed us some security footage from just a few minutes earlier. I was holding a brown-paper parcel, and dropped it when Butler encouraged me to. We then ran.

"But… What about Opal?"

"Who?"

"She should be on the video just before this – she gave me the parcel. She wants me dead."

He rewound. There was no one else there.

"She wiped her patterns from the video…"

"Stop muttering! You will be held here until the police arrive, as suspects for the explosion."

"I think that you are sadly mistaken."

The security guard did not appreciate me talking like that. "And why would that be, little boy?"

"Two reasons. One, as you are not the police, you have no authority to hold us. Two, even if you were, you would find it difficult."

"Huh? Uuuuuurk." The guard collapsed to the floor. Butler had knocked him out, in a way I'd really not like to go into. We made our own way out.

"Well, they seem pretty safe now."

"There is a slight problem – neither shows any sign of recall."

Foaly got to work at his computer. He found the file he was looking for, and showed it to Commander Root.

"This should help, yes?"

My mobile went off. It was a top of the range model, but not produced by Phonetix. I'm sure Eoin would say it was. I was surprised, as the only person who knew the number was Butler, and he was stood beside me. It was a video message. It appeared to be security camera footage of the Manor, with I talking to Butler and Juliet. It must have been faked, I felt. I don't ever remember talking to them like that in there. But I listened to the sound file that came with it and realised.

"Let us assume that the People do exist and that I am not just a gibbering idiot."

The People? The People. It was as if a door had just opened in my mind that had been locked, that I hadn't realised existed, although I had been looking through the keyhole.

"The People!" I shouted.

"I think he's realised."

"I know Opal Koboi."

"Are you all right, Artemis?"

"Yes, yes, I'm fine. I have just remembered some artificially suppressed memories. Things are now beginning to make sense. See this."

I passed him the phone. He viewed the video message. His mouth fell open.

"Fairies… So who sent you this?"

"I'm assuming Foaly, because…"

"He has before."

That clinched it. Butler was now recalling perfectly.

"He must have sent this because of Opal, so we'd remember how I dealt with her before. I can't really see why else Foaly would try to reverse a mindwipe."

The phone beeped again. This time, it was an animated diagram, plotting the course of Opal over the last 24 hours. There was boundary, a circle on the map, and when she crossed it, the time was highlighted. Someone – Foaly presumably – wanted me to remember that she was there at 10:48, local time. But what use would that be?

"The second message has arrived. Let's hope his memory is as good as he promises."


	2. Day 2?

**Day 2?**

Morning, once again. My alarm clock had just gone off. Strange, I could have sworn I hadn't set it. I checked my phone, and the messages I received yesterday were gone. Highly suspicious. I was contemplating the consequences of this when Butler arrived.

Butler entered. "Is everything fine, sir?"

"Fairies."

"Are you sure you're all right, Artemis?"

His micro momentary expressions showed he had no recollection of yesterday's events. Curioser and curiouser, as Alice said. Suddenly, I had a small idea.

"Yes, yes. But I would like some breakfast. A small continental breakfast delivered to the room. Order it from room service please, I'm sure they would not like your culinary skills as competition. Ensure they have apricot jam."

Once Butler had ordered the food, I told him my suspicions.

"In exactly two minutes time, a waiter will arrive. He will be worried, as there is no apricot jam left. If this is the case, either I have had a highly accurate, prophetic dream or have lived through this day before. We must then leave immediately."

Two minutes passed, exactly. The waiter arrived. He spoke to Butler. He was clearly terrified, once again.

"I, I, I apologise sir. We are out of apricot jam. We do not keep much in storage, and today it has been unusually popular. I will personally ensure more, much more is bought today."

He turned and fled. Butler often has that effect on people – but this was the first time a specific incident was becoming often.

"Do you require that I phone the bank?"

"Yes. Postpone our appointment. I believe that this morning will be busy enough, without their involvement."

A small crowd was assembling in Foaly's booth, including Trouble and Holly.

"Artemis is recalling from the previous iteration. Butler is not."

"And that is what we wanted, isn't it?"

"Yes, yes."

"Then why did you bother to call me over here to tell me?" Root was getting slightly annoyed about the constant status reports.

I knew that the second message was referring to the arrival of Opal. It showed her passing over a boundary – could this be the boundary of the peculiar timestop? She crossed over this boundary at 10:48. This was the only timing we had, so whatever we did, it would have to be there and then.

"Butler, we need to travel north-east." That was where she crossed the boundary, if the diagram was accurate. I hoped Foaly had put some time into it. "We need the four by four, and the camouflaged hide from the boot."

I had captured a fairy before using this hide, but never like this.

"What's he doing? That'll never work! Why did we put our trust in him?"

"He knows what he's doing. He's faced her before. And he knows how to capture fairies." He shot a meaningful glance at Holly.

Holly blushed. It was indeed meaningful.

"I need to sit in the rear of the vehicle," I told Butler. "We should not pass down any one-way-streets, as when I tell you to, we will have to reverse." We set off.

Fifteen minutes later, we were passing through a narrow alleyway. The front of the car vanished as we went past a lamppost. Butler appeared not to notice. He carried on, and even the driver's seat and occupant disappeared. I told him to stop and reverse, and from wherever he was, he heard me. We began to reverse. Once I could see the whole car again, and we were a few feet back from the lamppost, I told him to stop and I got out.

If there were any bystanders, this would be a very strange sight. I was walking forward, with my arms outstretched. I hit a wall – this was the boundary. But there was no wall – just seemingly empty air. I could not pass through it, because I was not controlled by the fairies. Butler could, because although he was behaving differently to yesterday, that was due to my influence. Others, who had no involvement with us, would behave exactly as yesterday, including passing through the boundary. Outside was exactly the same as yesterday, so when Butler and the car passed through, they were not there.

However, Opal would be.

"He's found the boundary."

"Yes, I can tell."

I got out my compass. This should help determine whether this was north-east or not. I stood with my back to the wall, holding the compass in front of me. We were slightly out. "We need to move."

The next suitable area along was a deserted car-park. This was a slightly run-down area, where no-body came unless they had to. The direction was perfect. The location was perfect. She would be coming this way.

"10:40, local time? Isn't he leaving this a bit late?"

"Calm down, commander. He's only got one more thing to do."

I requested that Butler park the vehicle nearly up to the boundary, bonnet first. I then removed the hide from the boot, ensured that it was in its properly collapsed state, and placed it on the bonnet. I sat inside the car, in the drivers seat.

"Which button releases the spring-loaded bonnet?" I asked, and he showed me, bemused.

"10:45! He's not going to make it! I can see Opal from here."

"If there's one thing I know about Artemis, it's that he always makes it. Besides, we can always have another iteration."

10:45. Opal was a black speck on the horizon, heading straight for us.

"Thanks Foaly." I muttered under my breath.

"Did everyone hear that! For once I'm getting the credit I deserve."

Everyone ignored him, and continued to watch the screens.

Opal was practically on the boundary now. She had not seen me – I assume that she was seeing the first iteration, in which this was a completely empty car park. Why else would she continue straight for me?

Opal hit the boundary. I hit the button. The bonnet flicked up, throwing the hide up into the air. The hide opened out, enveloping the rogue fairy. The hide returned to the ground, with contents unconscious, but still alive. Later, the LEP sounded reassured by this, but I am unsure whether that was their true view.

"Holly, Trouble, you're going in now."


End file.
